Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
