forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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