Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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