is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
