You're my little dorito
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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