After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
