Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Two words: nipple clamps
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