She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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