Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Brb crying the tears of my youth
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
