Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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