Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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