You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
