i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
