I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
