OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
