Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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