dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
