Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
