He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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