Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
