when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
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I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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