i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
