no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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