remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
