The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
