ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
