I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
