Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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