I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
