Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
