i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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