I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
