and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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