If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize