So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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