Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
they need to just BURY HIM!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
