Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
