At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
