Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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