That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
