My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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