I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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