I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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