Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
