New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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