I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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