hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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