"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
