Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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