Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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