You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
