So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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