Ambien. No doubt about it.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
