Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
