I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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