Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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