Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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