If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
