The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i dont even know how to be here
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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