I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize