U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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