I wanna passion pit in your ass
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
