What a fucking waste of an outfit
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We were destined to go to rehab together
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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