i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
