I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
