I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize