Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
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We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
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I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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