It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Randomize
