Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
