i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm bleeding and have questions
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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