she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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