This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
